Blog

It is often said that the dominant culture of divorce is an adversarial one. A culture where winning and losing is the name of the game and that divorce is war. Family attorneys most often identify with the litigation community. If family litigation is the prevailing divorce culture then the family mediation community is a counter culture.

The way one identifies with a community or culture is to look at the following factors: 1) How do the members of the culture or community behave; 2) What do its members believe, and 3) To what organizations do they belong?

The members of the Family Mediation Community behave in a manner that fosters consensual and amicable decision making. They act in way...

Many of us learned the gymnastic term the “twisties” this week when the news broke that world-renowned gymnast, Simone Biles, had withdrawn from the women's all-around competition at the Tokyo Olympics. “I just don't trust myself as much as I used to," Biles told reporters in Tokyo and she stated that she “wanted to focus on her mental health.”

Apparently, getting “the twisties” is a gymnast’s biggest nightmare. The twisties are described as a mysterious phenomenon -- suddenly a gymnast is no longer able to do a twisting skill he or she has done thousands of times before. Elle Reeve, a CNN reporter who used to compete in gymnastics said the twi...

Many divorce litigation attorneys are highly skilled and knowledgeable about family law and may be Certified Family Law Specialists. Litigation attorneys often reassure their clients that they will fight for them and secure all they are entitled to in the divorce. A spouse going through a divorce will often find that their litigation attorney is comforting, caring, and understanding, but litigation attorneys like the great boxing champion, Mohammed Ali, are trained to fight. They may look like butterflies, but they can sting like bees.

Attorneys are first trained to fight in law school, where they learn how to persuade, negotiate, apply pressure, and use the strength of the law to convince a ...

Most couples marry without a prenuptial agreement; however, even if the couple does not create a prenuptial agreement, they are in essence getting a prenup when they marry, because the entire family law code is now imbedded in their relationship. Couples who marry in a community property state have in essence formed a partnership with terms that were never negotiated. Other than the parties’ mutual agreement to marry and their wedding vows, there is usually no specific “meeting of the minds” on the specific terms and conditions of the marital relationship. Their marital agreement is also going to be impacted by societal values, norms, and laws that often change during the...

If you are divorcing and have avoided litigating with your spouse by using mediation to resolve your divorce you have given yourself and your children a gift that keeps on giving. It is a gift that demonstrates your ability to put your family first. It is a gift that will empower you to make wise decisions and control the outcome of your divorce. Mediation is a gift that allows you to preserve your finances so that your retirement and your children’s college fund will remain intact after the divorce. It is a gift that will give you skills that you can use to resolve the inevitable conflict that will arise with your ex-spouse as you co-parent in the future. Be sure and share the gift ...

As children most of us heard the saying “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Perhaps the author of this ditty wanted to teach their child that kids who bully and say mean things can only hurt you if you let them, or maybe the point was an attempt to encourage “toughness” and to “turn the other cheek.” However, we all learned early on that the words we speak and the words that are spoken to us can hurt us.

A more accurate version of this saying is found in a poem by Ruby Redfort:

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can also hurt me.
Stones and sticks break only skin, while words are ghosts that ha...

Marriage counselors often talk about how couples repeat the same "dance steps" when they argue. It is common for couples who are divorcing to have developed some bad communication styles, and they may have engaged in these styles for so long that they are now habitual. A marriage counselor may try to teach couples new dance steps to save their marriage and handle conflict. Unfortunately, if the couple continues to be stuck in old patterns of conflict, these destructive patterns do not get any better when they divorce.

Destructive Divorce Dances

THE LIMBO

Characteristics

• Cut down criticisms
• Not fair fighting
• Pushing buttons

How Low Can You Go?

THE MACARENA

Characteristics

• Arguments never die out
• Alway...

• Are they emotionally ready to negotiate with the other party?
• Have they gathered sufficient legal and financial information for wise decision-making?
• Have they generated options based on the total marital estate and incorporating a global perspective?
• Have they had sufficient opportunity to consider the input of financial advisors and real estate professi...